Have you seen my Brain, I think it’s with my Wallet

Posted on Saturday 31 December 2005

I may be losing my mind along with my possessions.
Today at work, I was going to leave, when I happened to notice the inside pocket of my jacket flapping with emptiness, due to no wallet. “Well, that’s odd,” I thought to myself, “I thought I put it back here, after I got my drink.” So, I looked in every pocket of my brown leather jacket, to no avail. I then went through my backpack “Why, surely it is in here,” I told myself. Nope. “Really?” I looked through again. Nope.
I paused, stroked my beard, then scratched my head. Where on earth was that thing? I could swear that I had used it two hours ago. I begun to rummage in the back room, looking about everywhere. I called home to ask if it was on the table or in my room. Nope.
In a subdued hurry, I went out to the cafe to see if it was around. I looked in the lost and found drawer, and there was still no sign of it. I pacified my greater anxiety by reminding myself this is almost a weekly occurrence, and I will find the thing eventually. So, I went through my bag a third time, with no leads. “Is it in the car?” I thought. “If it’s not there, maybe someone turned one in at the Chapter’s desk.
So I briskly went out to my car to look for that darned wallet.

It was on the passenger seat.

SON OF A BITCH!” I exclaimed at no one in particular, especially not the wallet. I wasn’t going to hold it against it. This was my brain’s fault, for sure. My brain fabricated this memory of me using my wallet to get a drink on my break, when I clearly had left this wallet on the seat of my car, and not touched it since 8:00 in the morning.
On my way back to my jacket and bag, I mused to why this sudden bout of senility. Was it the fact that I had taken to Cardigan fashion fifty years too soon? Was it the Newsboy Cap on my head? What could make my mind so fickle and false? Then I realized that I couldn’t possibly tell myself the answer. Not with my brain in there…..

Tim @ 3:25 pm
Filed under: [Other] Thoughts
…a tune on the brain.

Posted on Friday 30 December 2005

__________
you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go
______________

-from Chicago, on Illinois by Sufjan Stevens

Tim @ 9:01 pm
Filed under: General
Morning

Posted on Friday 30 December 2005

As I mentioned before, I have often found Christmas morning to be split. It was half excitement and joy of getting what I asked for (basically Lego sets) and half dismay at sitting through another Christmas morning service, where they always tell the same message. That’s a ten year-old’s mind for you. It was only the same message because I never listened to it.

I went this year, with my brother, and enjoyed greeting happy people and listening to a volunteer choir. The message spoke was one of such simplicity and honesty, and perhaps that’s what made this morning different. Marla spoke the message of Christ through the parallel of an old wooden Nativity scene. She told how it was a tradition in her family, the importance of the set, and the eventual misplacement of parts due to kids. Well, in all honesty, the message could have been construed as corny. But I found it meaningful.
She said two things that stuck out. In her tradition, the shepherds were always stuck at the back, away from the action, from the manger. She spoke about how the shepherds were the poorest attendants to the Christ child, and often times are looked over. But to them, witnessing this baby, after a company of Angels announced it to them, why should they not get to feel important? Often times we overlook those who are common, to attend to those who are extraordinary. But what makes a person more extraordinary than another, after all?
The other things she spoke was about losing the manger. One of her kids, when young, would often misplace the manger and then the baby Jesus would be crib-less. In essence, forced to be held. There was no way for the figures to hold Jesus, but that thought of keeping Jesus in your arms, in your presence, it was simply profound. Without a place to neatly tuck away Jesus, where else would he go? Holding Jesus means being aware, mindful, caring. Isn’t that how we should conduct ourselves?

The end of the service in my church is always with a volunteer choir getting congregational volunteers to sing Der Friedensfurst, a robust and lively German hymn. I believe it’s translated as Prince of Peace, but I could be wrong. I spent almost a half hour trying to find it on the internet with no luck. But it’s a wonderful loud and exciting song to sing. The row I was sitting in had the Enns boys, three of them and their cousin. We all filed out and to the bass section (though I admit, I would likely fit better in tenor), and we picked up the sheets.
Now, I can’t read sheet music, sing in tune all the time or, most importantly, read German properly. But, regardless of all that, I wanted to sing. I wanted to raise my voice in choral unity to sing. It’s so easy in a choir to almost borrow neighbouring voices and almost hear them as yours. In that way, I enjoy the company of a choir. With the lines and notes before me, and my music being shared with Randy Enns, I sang my best, reading my best German. It was loud and joyful, and I felt good. I was the only members of my family in the choir, and I believe that my Opa used to join in for the song, when he was still alive. Part of me felt a small pride in representing the family in the choir loft. I’ve often been told I look like Opa, and I felt a little close to him, singing in his native tongue. I also felt closer to GOD, too. I haven’t sung my way close to Him in a while.

And that was my Christmas morning.

Tim @ 8:53 pm
Filed under: [Deep] Thoughts
Christmas

Posted on Friday 30 December 2005

Somewhere in my mind, this notion of “Christmas” ended up becoming the idealization of a moment.

As a child, I had some pretty amazing Christmases. The snow all around the yard in the morning, and the crispness of it through the window in the living room. The tree decked out in lights and bulbs and stars and other ornaments. The family all around each other, with sheer excitement at the opening of gifts. And the gifts I always loved - unfailingly - were the Lego sets. Anything that took time away from those was cruel torment for me.
Yet, my memory had a way of wrapping up all of those wonderful mornings into a blur, and it became the standard for which I judged all other Christmases. If there wasn’t snow, if there wasn’t the joy of receiving, if there wasn’t the remembered moments of years gone by, then it was an odd Christmas. As it so happened, I have had about six or seven of them, if not more.

I realized that my idealization was for something that was a composite of all the happy moments. No one Christmas to follow would match that. All the Christmases as I grew up were different and almost reflections or facsimiles of those ones in the past. In fact, growing up showed me that getting beyond the receiving end of the holiday makes it almost impossible to go back. I learned in reflection there is so much more to this than what I knew.

My lists for gifts had melted into practical things (I expect and want socks and underwear each year); I find myself forgetting the spiritual reason for this every year; I find myself, against my will, trying to buy the proof of my love for my close friends and family; and every year, I find myself so far askew from where I want to be, spiritually, that I usually end up eating a whole lot of humble pie, while watching seasonal movies and listening to carols.
I always want the essence of goodwill toward men and peace on earth to last longer than New Years, but they never end up doing so. This season brings out the absolute best and ugliest side to mankind, and I wish that we were able to be so mindful all year. Yes, we can be generous, but why does it have to be at a time when it is expected? Yes, we are all disgraceful at our lack of caring, but why can’t get away with apathy in any other month?

When asked how my Christmas was, I find myself answering that it good. And I don’t end up meaning it in the short-nutshell version of I don’t feel like telling you, but good in the sense that I am growing up and learning what it means to be loving to others, how to show it, how to act it, and how to do so with integrity. No I did not get a soap-box for Christmas; but I will get down off of this one now.

Tim @ 8:38 pm
Filed under: [Deep] Thoughts
Twinkling proverbial Fruits of our Labour

Posted on Sunday 25 December 2005

All the way back in early November, my dad and I put up the Christmas Lights. Dad switched to LED lights, and got rid of the bulky, draining bulbs of years past. In his eagerness, my dad brought home from work, a twenty-six foot, telescopic pole with which to adorn the tree outdoors. Apparently, years ago I had made mention that the tree should be lit, you know, when the tree was about fifteen feet tall. But now, oh now, it so happens to be closer to forty feet.

the actual tree to see

I got home to do some unwinding and dad had already began to unstring and plug in the LEDs. Mom was helping with that process as dad stepped outside to try to hook the end of the lights on the top of the tree. He had made a loop and was trying (might I say in a tragically comedic fashion) to loop it on top. From the ground. I, in my youthful dissidence and self-awareness that what he was doing was impossible, stepped outside to watch this display. After a few attempts it was definitely a failed try, I offered my hand. I stood on the planter, which is about seven feet off the ground, next to the stairs, and I am about six feet tall. Add the twenty-six foot telescopic pole, and I have a closer chance to land this puppy.
After my own attempts, many close calls, too, it was done. This was about a half hour endeavour, for me, about a forty-five minute trial for dad. The first step.

Mom had made supper and we went inside and ate, then resumed our work. We had brought many strings outside to hold as we walk around the tree, stringing up the lights. It was a slow and painful process, with much craning of the necks, and much stress on the shoulders. We took turns stringing, often dropping the strand or getting caught in the branches. At one point, after we had made a round and a half, and strung perhaps twelve circular feet, we had decided to find a flashlight. Instead of the commands “Up there!” or “To the left a bit…No up!..A little more“, we could now point with clear certainty that “No, THAT is the branch to go over…” with the light aimed at a particular spot.

With more time taken up by slow, progressive circling, I had the grand idea of the scaffold. My dad had made a make-shift movable platform for washing the windows and painting the house, and this would add five feet to my height, and make the rounds slightly easier. Since I was the son, the nimble specimen of youth and agility; the one best suited to night vision, constant climbing on and off of the scaffold; and hey, the one that wanted this in the first place - I was the one to be the primary scaffolder/light arranger. And so it was.

With our progress slow, and paced, we circled the tree, round and round. The early November weather was brisk, yet warm enough for me to spend the night in my thrift store cardigan and British newsboy cap, and so I looked like quite the gaffer. By the time the lights were fifteen feet to the ground, we let go of the scaffold, and went back to just the pole. A few neighbours stopped by to compliment, and make comments, and we listened and bantered, or at least dad did. I decided to finish up the progress. Before long, we were using our own arms to finish the last bits of branch and brush, and at two feet left, I requested amnesty. I retreated back to the house where I had intended to spend a quiet November evening alone. To my surprise, the lights had taken from me three compiled hours, and I was sore in new places.

Ah, but now, with snow on the ground and winter in the air, the lights look quite in place. Every time I turn the corner to my house, I see the tree a-lit and a-glow and I know that even though the wind and snow have knocked down some strands; and looking at it from certain angles shows a deceptive shoddiness; it was constructed out of heart and love, and a childhood desire… and that there is no way that I am going to occupy any more time to fixing it this season, because I learned something. Even though things you do can be the most rewarding, things like this always look better when someone else does it.

stand alone giant

Tim @ 10:07 pm
Filed under: [Other] Thoughts
The Trouble with Tea…

Posted on Sunday 25 December 2005

I have tried very hard to enjoy tea. Honestly, I have.
Sure, I’ve been a coffee drinker for years, and have slowly grown to appreciate the subtleties of it and yes, work at a coffee company. But the Tea side of warm drinks has never been that approachable. I will recount to you some of the trials of tea drinking that have occurred over the last few years, and then you may understand my plight.

I have often found the taste of tea to be weak. Drinking generic brand tea, obviously wouldn’t help that situation, but nonetheless that has been my starting mark. In Snohomish WA, last year, I went to a tea house with a friend, where we could catch up on the week, life, and anything in general. We entered into a dainty, doll-house-like building, with many small tables and women in pairs, drinking their tea and enjoying their conversation. We were given tea menus (like this was going to help me in the least) and when we ordered, our teas were brought in ornate teapots and we were given cream, sugar, and the dainty, tiny glasses, that could hold precious little of the so-so beverage.
Being unaware of tea etiquette, I proceeded to drink at least half of the mildly tasty Black Tea that I was given, doused of course, buy equal amounts of cream and sugar. As our conversation ended, I had got up painfully, to find the bathroom. When I got to the wallpapered, cramped room (like a doll’s house, I’m serious) I proceeded to partake in a fairly lengthy … relief of the tea.

When travelling back through the West, I stopped in Lethbridge to see some friends. When I was staying up to talk with one, I was given the option to choose from an entire barrage of teas. Green, Herbal, Floral, Blacks, and many many more, so many in fact that a pile of tea boxes were in front of me and my only way of deciding which to try resulted in which box looked the best. I took Tiger Tea. Being the un-aficionado that I am I presumed it was made from real tigers, hence the name. Why else would you call Green Teas green, or Black Teas black. Up until recently, I thought that every teabag of Earl Grey either had an essence of the late Lord Gray himself, or would somehow slowly turn you into an Englishman. But we all know that Earl Gray Tea is nothing more than the rinsings from old coffee decanters.
So I chose the tea I thought best, and proceeded to dip the tea and slowly sip the piping hot brew. In doing so, I bumped my arm on the counter, and sloshed some tea on my hand. For whatever reason the water was a touch below boiling, and the result was a hair less than scalding. I only can fore-see that the tiger blend had somehow decided I wasn’t worth the while to actually scald, but leave painfully red instead.

the sampler

This December, I purchased a box of tea from work. My hope was to familiarize myself with the teas so I could recommend different kinds and even, decide which I prefer. Also, I wanted to bridge the gap between my and tea, it was not unlike the Chunnel built between England and France. Why squabble so much when things are so similar? But turning tea and coffee into an international issue is perhaps too lofty a thing. I digress.
I bought a box of tea with herbal, green and black blends to try and I thought it would work.
Here is what I ended up discovering.
Refresh - a minty Green Tea. Well, it’s alright, once it is mixed with sugar and cream. This was my start. It was a pretty placid start.
Lotus - a decaffeinated Green Tea. This one decided that it would jump out and attack me while sitting in a chair, talking on the phone. The result was a few wet pillows, a wet back and thigh and a wet chair, no tea left in the cup. I believe I said in earnest “I’m trying really hard here. Why do you [tea in general] have to treat me so badly? It’s not easy to like you.”
African Honeybush - This one was alright. It was herbal, I think. You know, all I recall was spilling more scalding hot water on my hand while taking it downstairs. The taste is secondary in my mind, after the experience.
Joy - how sorrowfully named, for I found no joy in that cup. It was a blend of Black, Green and Oolong teas, that I must say left me disappointed.
Wild Sweet Orange - this is a Herbal Tea with everybody in the meadow, in the teabag. Full of flowers and stuff, it has a real bite at first, then an aftertaste with a strong orange flavour. I felt it to be more like drinking neo-Citron, the throat medicine that tastes awful and you have to brew it like tea. Drinking this tea was an awful experience.

the colours of tea

Well, as this hideous experiment continues, I have no doubts many more mildly amusing anecdotes await you all. There are many more flavours to go.

Tim @ 9:39 pm
Filed under: [Other] Thoughts