tim’s thought property

I have tried very hard to enjoy tea. Honestly, I have.
Sure, I’ve been a coffee drinker for years, and have slowly grown to appreciate the subtleties of it and yes, work at a coffee company. But the Tea side of warm drinks has never been that approachable. I will recount to you some of the trials of tea drinking that have occurred over the last few years, and then you may understand my plight.

I have often found the taste of tea to be weak. Drinking generic brand tea, obviously wouldn’t help that situation, but nonetheless that has been my starting mark. In Snohomish WA, last year, I went to a tea house with a friend, where we could catch up on the week, life, and anything in general. We entered into a dainty, doll-house-like building, with many small tables and women in pairs, drinking their tea and enjoying their conversation. We were given tea menus (like this was going to help me in the least) and when we ordered, our teas were brought in ornate teapots and we were given cream, sugar, and the dainty, tiny glasses, that could hold precious little of the so-so beverage.
Being unaware of tea etiquette, I proceeded to drink at least half of the mildly tasty Black Tea that I was given, doused of course, buy equal amounts of cream and sugar. As our conversation ended, I had got up painfully, to find the bathroom. When I got to the wallpapered, cramped room (like a doll’s house, I’m serious) I proceeded to partake in a fairly lengthy … relief of the tea.

When travelling back through the West, I stopped in Lethbridge to see some friends. When I was staying up to talk with one, I was given the option to choose from an entire barrage of teas. Green, Herbal, Floral, Blacks, and many many more, so many in fact that a pile of tea boxes were in front of me and my only way of deciding which to try resulted in which box looked the best. I took Tiger Tea. Being the un-aficionado that I am I presumed it was made from real tigers, hence the name. Why else would you call Green Teas green, or Black Teas black. Up until recently, I thought that every teabag of Earl Grey either had an essence of the late Lord Gray himself, or would somehow slowly turn you into an Englishman. But we all know that Earl Gray Tea is nothing more than the rinsings from old coffee decanters.
So I chose the tea I thought best, and proceeded to dip the tea and slowly sip the piping hot brew. In doing so, I bumped my arm on the counter, and sloshed some tea on my hand. For whatever reason the water was a touch below boiling, and the result was a hair less than scalding. I only can fore-see that the tiger blend had somehow decided I wasn’t worth the while to actually scald, but leave painfully red instead.

This December, I purchased a box of tea from work. My hope was to familiarize myself with the teas so I could recommend different kinds and even, decide which I prefer. Also, I wanted to bridge the gap between my and tea, it was not unlike the Chunnel built between England and France. Why squabble so much when things are so similar? But turning tea and coffee into an international issue is perhaps too lofty a thing. I digress.
I bought a box of tea with herbal, green and black blends to try and I thought it would work.
Here is what I ended up discovering.
Refresh - a minty Green Tea. Well, it’s alright, once it is mixed with sugar and cream. This was my start. It was a pretty placid start.
Lotus - a decaffeinated Green Tea. This one decided that it would jump out and attack me while sitting in a chair, talking on the phone. The result was a few wet pillows, a wet back and thigh and a wet chair, no tea left in the cup. I believe I said in earnest “I’m trying really hard here. Why do you [tea in general] have to treat me so badly? It’s not easy to like you.”
African Honeybush - This one was alright. It was herbal, I think. You know, all I recall was spilling more scalding hot water on my hand while taking it downstairs. The taste is secondary in my mind, after the experience.
Joy - how sorrowfully named, for I found no joy in that cup. It was a blend of Black, Green and Oolong teas, that I must say left me disappointed.
Wild Sweet Orange - this is a Herbal Tea with everybody in the meadow, in the teabag. Full of flowers and stuff, it has a real bite at first, then an aftertaste with a strong orange flavour. I felt it to be more like drinking neo-Citron, the throat medicine that tastes awful and you have to brew it like tea. Drinking this tea was an awful experience.

Well, as this hideous experiment continues, I have no doubts many more mildly amusing anecdotes await you all. There are many more flavours to go.