tim’s thought property

Grandma passed away on a Tuesday.
She was in the hospital at Christmas for bowel surgery. In January, she was re-admitted for problems with her liver. It was cancer this time.
It feels so strange that she won’t be around any longer. It always seems to be that when something is taken from me, I immediately want it back, regardless of what it is. Something like “you don’t know what you’ve got, til it’s gone”.

I think about how soon her passing was.
I was told on the Saturday, that she had less than a month to live. In three brief days, she was gone.
On my last visit, she was very tired, and she looked thinner. Somehow, there was a resolve in her, I don’t know what it was. She commented on my scarf, I held her hand. I was at a loss for words. How was I supposed to converse with her? I felt small talk too cheap to waste time with, but I still said very little. On my way out, I said “I love ya”, but I feel that it was to quiet to have been heard.

On the morning of the 12th, dressed and in a somber mood, my brothers, cousins and I bore her pall up the aisle of the church. Seeing my grandfather cry, my aunts, uncles and mother cry, it was so hard not to cry as well. I really wish I had made more of an effort to be involved in the life of my grandmother. Hearing all about her character on this day should have been old news to me.
When I think back to all that she has done and all the love she had, I can realize that I did know Grandma’s character. She was a mother. She was a grandmother. She was a great-grandmother. She always acted out of her heart, and she cared for all the people in her life. I should have thanked her, and not only thought of thanking her.
Without my grandmother, I would not have my mother. For that, I can still thank my grandfather.